If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
