After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
