grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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