So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
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He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
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I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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