How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
