$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
