I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
