we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
