You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
