So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
