I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
