chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
