Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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