I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
