Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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