In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
