And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
