now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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