how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
