I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just pee around me
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
