make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
