I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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