She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
