I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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