he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
