i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize