Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
