Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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