the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
