Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
In other news, I just burned my penis
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
