His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
