Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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