so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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