I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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