His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
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I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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