Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
