So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
