hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
