Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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