Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
