Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
