her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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