I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
