You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
