Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
