Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
