K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Couch. On fire.
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