please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Still dying that you shit outside
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
