He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
In America we eat man semen.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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