you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
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Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
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We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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