I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
