We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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