My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Another day, another engagement, another cat
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
