I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It's rum buckets o'clock
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
