Moan for me like Helen Keller
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
