just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
