What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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