i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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