So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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