If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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