She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
