Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
