I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
