I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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