I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
